Unrelenting venting

I am not the messiah. I cannot save you, or anyone else for that matter. So why do I try? I'm progressing into a more mature, patient man through process and understanding but I carry others burdens so heavily. It's hard to let them go. i feel like they, at times are my worth. That the fact I can help another resolve their issues is what makes me important, needed. Which, when the tables are turned, and i can't help the crazy find peace, I feel like i failed them. Like it was up to me to fix them and now they are screwed for eternity cuz i couldn't fix them. Like that has any foothold in reality.
This has been a cycle in my life for years. Unhealthy, dangerous and extremely painful at times. I have found great comfort in this cycle knowing that I have helped hundreds of folks to realize that they are loved. That they have value beyond their own opinions of themselves. Beyond the opinions and voices of the broken families and friends that they have been surrounded by for years. That they have value and are loved. Not just by me, but by a great God that will love them more than they will ever need or know...Ironic, I know.
Here I am counseling folks about how to maintain healthy relationships, healthy boundaries and healthy perspectives and then, there's me, in that relationship, in that moment, putting myself out there in an unhealthy way, looking for unhealthy affirmation and needing them to be healed so I can go on believing I am.
You know what I am realizing though? That we are broken. That we always will be. We don't need to be fixed to help others, we need to be willing. We don't need to have the utmost skills to bring others to self realization, we need faith in the God that can and we need to keep putting it out there.
Thank God for people that refuse to stop learning and progressing. Thank God that even though we fail and fail and fail we can always offer someone else hope. Thank God that even in my weakest, darkest place, if i submit to Him and offer up my daily manna of wisdom and grace, I can be transparent enough to show others that He is sufficient. That He is enough. That I don't need to be perfect and neither do they. We can all be loved and lovable and accepted and wanted. At anytime. In any space.
Because He is good.